


Lost the Reflex to Resist

by orphan_account



Series: I must have done something good to meet you [2]
Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Sexy Zone
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-10
Updated: 2015-03-10
Packaged: 2018-03-17 07:22:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3520439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Kento and I were still kids, I would have told my mother that I would marry him, and she would have laughed and nodded. I would have given Kento a ring that had come out of the vending machine together with some sweets, and everything would have been settled. </p><p>I wished I could still do that now, but Kento’s fingers were definitely too thick for vending machine rings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost the Reflex to Resist

**Author's Note:**

  * For [givemeyoursmile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/givemeyoursmile/gifts), [(for always helping me with my ideas)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=%28for+always+helping+me+with+my+ideas%29).



> So, I finally finished this \o/ This is the slightly messy sequel to "I could get used to this". 'Messy' as in Fuma's feelings are as much of a roller coaster as in the first part, and I hope any of it makes sense to anyone but him (and me). 
> 
> Anyways, hope you'll enjoy it!

Fuma’s POV

I fisted Kento’s hair in my right hand, causing him to moan against my lips and his grip on my shoulders to tighten. I crawled just that tiny bit closer until I was settled completely on top of him, feeling the hard lines of his body under mine, and it made me feel ecstatic, my whole body tingling from the sensations. 

I chased his tongue through his mouth, my free hand brushing down the side of his neck, tracing his collarbone through the fabric of his shirt, and with a shiver, Kento caught my hand and broke the kiss. 

I knew what he was going to say, and I was not ready to hear it. My mind was buzzing and I just wanted to keep kissing Kento, to run my fingers over his entire body, and…

“Stop, Fuma” Kento said firmly, despite the fact that I could feel his pulse racing where I had pressed my lips to his throat, kissing it softly and trying to convince him to not push me away just yet. “It’s enough for tonight.”

“Please, Kento” I whined, not caring in the slightest how pathetic I sounded. All my senses were craving for Kento, and though I was very aware of the boundaries he had set, I could not help myself from wanting more. 

“We had a deal, Fuma” he reminded me sternly. “If you’re going to be pushy, I need to leave.”

“No!” I protested immediately, backing off completely and settling down beside him, holding my hands up in surrender. “There! I am not going to do anything! Just stay!”

Kento chuckled, smiling as he tried to straighten his hair, which had gotten messy from my assaults. 

“How about we watch a movie?” I suggested, frantic for an excuse to keep him with me longer. “A harmless movie. I can steal the entire Disney collection from my sister.”

“A movie sounds good” Kento nodded, amused, and I scrambled myself up to grab a DVD and arrange my laptop so we could both watch comfortably. 

“Will you at least cuddle me?” I asked as I started the movie, pouting a little over my shoulder for the effect, and Kento rolled his eyes, but crawled closer and wrapped an arm around my waist, effectively spooning me. I took his other hand and arranged his arm so that I could use it as a pillow and pressed my back against his chest, sighing when he rested his cheek against the side of my head, completely snuggling into me. 

This was perfect, I thought silently as I tried to focus on the movie. Kento was warm and comfortable and when we were like this, I wasn’t stressing over what I was feeling. It just seemed _right_.

I did notice immediately when Kento napped off against me, the last bit of tension fading from his body and his hand going slack in mine. I stayed like this for another couple of minutes, just marveling at the even raise and fall of his chest against my back, before the urge to look at his face became too strong, so I carefully tipped him until he was lying on his back. 

He did not wake, and I rolled onto my other side until I was facing him, indulging in the peaceful sight of his sleeping face. 

I liked having Kento sleep in my bed, so much that I had a mini-argument with him each time he decided to leave for the night, holding onto the rules he had set for us at the beginning of this ‘thing’ so firmly that they could have as well been a law to him. 

It had been two weeks since Kento and I had agreed to give things a try, and while Kento had promised to be patient in terms of putting a label on it until I had made up my mind, he had set up limits that he wanted me to respect until I could confidently say that I was in love with him. 

Mostly, these limits concerned the physical part of our interactions. Kissing was okay, so was cuddling, but everything farther than that was a no-go.

It was only sensible, but while I knew that it was the smart thing to do, my brain and my body did not quite agree on this matter. I was still unsure what to call my feelings, but there was one thing that I was sure of: I desired Kento. Every time I put my eyes on him, I wanted to kiss him, and every time I kissed him, I wanted to touch him, and in the end, it all came down to an immense sexual frustration that was growing stronger day by day. 

I respected Kento and his wishes, and I was not going to do anything he did not want me to. But none of that changed how much I wanted him, and I felt like that kind of physical attraction clouded my mind, making it even harder to figure out what my feelings really were. 

I allowed myself to trace the lines of Kento’s face with a soft fingertip, entranced by the warmth and softness of his skin. Kento stirred a little, and I cupped his cheek and leaned in to press my lips against his, deciding to make the best use of his sleepy state until he was fully awake.

Kento melted into the kiss like I had expected him to, wrapping his arms around my waist and clinging to me while I kissed him languidly, without any haste and with a lot of tongue. 

I was not surprised when Kento pushed me away again, obviously awake enough now, and he was smiling as he stretched and threw a look at the clock across the room.

“I should leave” he announced.

“No” I whined.

“ _Yes_ ” he stressed, chuckling as he pushed himself up into a sitting position, ignoring my pout. “I have class early tomorrow morning.”

“You can go from here” I argued. “I promise I won’t do anything. Just stay.”

“No” Kento said firmly, and I knew that it was final.

“You really don’t trust me” I accused. 

“I don’t trust myself” Kento corrected, standing up and grabbing his bag. “So, are you going to walk me to the door or are you going to sulk?”

I did walk him to the door _with_ my pout, and Kento seemed amused by that as he stepped out of the door and waved me goodbye. 

“See you tomorrow at work!” he called.

I nodded, finally smiling as I watched him walk to his car, sighing softly as I closed the door.

I passed the living room on the way back to my room, startled when my father called my name.

“Fuma? Come here for a moment.”

I frowned as I peeked into the room, finding my parents stretched out on the couch, watching some variety show on TV, but killing the volume when I stepped into the room.

“What is it?” I asked suspiciously, and Mum exchanged a meaningful look with Dad before starting to speak. 

“We want to talk to you. About Kento-Kun.” I bit my lip, feeling strangely caught, but not saying anything as she continued. “He has been over 5 times in the past two weeks, and you have been over at his place 4 times. We are not stupid, my dear son. Tell us what’s going on.”

I gulped, my throat feeling unnaturally dry as I tried to find my voice. Leave it to my parents to ask the one question I did not know an answer to.

“It’s okay, we won’t judge you for anything. You know that” Dad added quickly. “So just tell us. Are you two dating?”

I grimaced at the word ‘dating’, crossing my arms in a pose of defense. 

“I don’t know. Maybe. Sort of.”

“What do you mean, ‘sort of’?” Mum enquired, raising an eyebrow at me. 

“We are on a test-run, you could say” I murmured. “It’s complicated.” I saw my parents exchange another meaningful look, and sighed deeply. “Listen, I can’t explain it very well because I don’t know what’s going on yet myself. I promise I will tell you when I know, just… not now.”

“Fine” Dad shrugged, picking up the remote again. “But don’t burn your fingers. He is a band mate.”

“I am aware of that” I returned, and Mum looked like she wanted to add something, but decided against it.

“Goodnight, Fuma” she said instead, turning back to the TV.

“Goodnight” I nodded, relieved when I could finally return to my room. 

I let myself fall onto my bed, immediately taking note of Kento’s lingering scent on my pillow. I cuddled deeper into it like the creep I was, wondering when I would ever find my way out of this mess. 

***

“... So… what you want to tell us…” Hokuto murmured, rubbing his temples as if to suppress an impending headache, ignoring Juri’s soundly grin. “... is that you want to screw the guy, but you’re not sure if you actually _like_ him?!”

“Basically, yes” I nodded.

“Dude, if I wanted to have sex with a guy, I’d have to _really_ love him!” Shintaro pointed out, looking slightly scandalized. “I mean, last time I checked, you were into girls!”

“I was!” I nodded. “Or am. I don’t know.”

“It doesn’t matter, does it?!” Hokuto interrupted us impatiently. “What’s important is what you feel for him!”

“That’s the problem, though, I am so busy _wanting_ him that I can’t think past that!” I groaned.

“Maybe you should jerk off thinking about him” Juri grinned, and Hokuto buried his face in his hands.

“Thanks, very helpful” I noted drily.

“You’re welcome.”

“I still don’t understand!” Shintaro burst out. “You want to bang that guy, for god’s sake! Isn’t it obvious that you like him?!”

“Sexual attraction does not always equal love, Shin!” Hokuto called, reminding me a little of a kindergarten teacher. “Just shut up and let the adults talk for a moment!”

“But I mean, it’s never been about sex in your relationship until now” Juri shrugged. “You are cuddling. How much more completely non-sexual intimacy do you need to realize that you indeed have feelings for him?!”

“I’m not doubting that I treasure him” I sighed. “I _do_ love him, in a way. I’m just not sure if it’s the way he loves me.”

“Fuma” Hokuto sighed, obviously exasperated. “You told me that you are happy when you are with him. What else do you need?!”

“Yes, I enjoy being with him” I nodded. “And I desire him, but what if that’s just because there is nothing tying me down and I can turn back the moment it gets scary?! What if I just want this because he said I can’t have it until we make it official, and if we do, I find out that it was a mistake and I can’t do this, after all?!”

“You are _trying_ to find excuses, aren’t you?!” Hokuto scoffed. 

“I’m actually serious!” I groaned. “This is important because Kento is important and I don’t want to get up his hopes only to end up rejecting him again!”

“You are cuddling him, he is already hoping!” Hokuto pointed out.

“He knows that I am still unsure!”

“He will still be devastated when you reject him, no matter what!”

I groaned, banging my head against the wall behind me, and Juri chuckled.

“You wouldn’t believe we are talking to a Keio boy. Poor Kento-Kun, seriously.”

“If you have nothing helpful to say, just stay out of this!” I snapped.

“What am I supposed to say?!” Juri demanded. “You obviously lost it. All you talk is about how much you care and how much you want him close… It’s so obvious that you are in love with him! I have no idea why you are driving yourself to desperation over it!”

Shintaro nodded enthusiastically, and I rolled my eyes. 

It was not like I wasn’t aware of sounding irrational, but I was nothing if not serious about my confusion, and being laughed at by my friends only served to make me more defensive. Hokuto seemed to realize that, so he quickly spoke up again, trying to intervene before my mood tipped completely.

“Listen, I realize this must be hard on you” he said carefully. “You have known him for a good 7 years and you are ready to question your sexuality for him, and I am sure he appreciates that a lot. It just seems to me like you are waiting for some kind of huge, magical revelation that I am afraid might not be happening. Your feelings for him won’t just suddenly change as if someone put a spell on you. If you’re really in love with him - and I really think you are - it happened long, long ago.”

“Then how do I tell?” I murmured, slightly whiny. “I have never been in a serious relationship before. All the girls I went out with were more or less crushes. But this is different, and I have no idea how it’s supposed to feel like. How can Kento be so sure when I am still so confused?”

“Why don’t you ask him?” Juri shrugged. “Maybe he _does_ have an answer for you?”

I frowned, staring at him.

“That’s a good idea” Hokuto encouraged. “It also gives you another opportunity to talk about things and express yourself. Communication is important.”

“I guess you are right” I nodded, letting that option sink in. “And Kento surely won’t laugh at me the way you do.”

“That’s because he wants to get you laid” Shintaro said surely. “Girls that like me always make me feel less stupid, too.”

“Remember, it’s Fuma who wants to get Kento-Kun laid, not the other way around” Juri grinned.

“Oh come on, he wants it, too, he is just playing ‘hard to get’!”

“Can you please stop talking about him like that?!” I snapped, and the two of them threw each other knowing looks. 

“Talk to him” Hokuto shrugged. “That’s the best thing you can do, for now!”

I nodded, deciding that he was right.

***

“How did you know that you are in love with me?” I asked Kento the same night over the phone, staring up at the ceiling as I stretched out on my bed. “How come you weren’t confused the way I am?”

“Of course I was confused” Kento scoffed, and I could hear some rummaging in the background. Maybe he was trying to clean his room while talking to me. “I spent most of my teenage days angsting about my feelings for you, you moron!”

“Then how _did_ you know?!” I stressed.

“I figured that, if I spent _most of my teenage days_ angsting about you, I must be in love with you” Kento said off-handedly.

“That’s not very instructive” I whined, and Kento sighed, the background noises on his side of the line slowly dying down.

“I think mostly it was the way I wanted you to look only at me” he said finally, more serious now. “That I always tried to draw your attention to me, and that I became miserable if I couldn’t.”

I nodded, thinking that this answer made a lot of sense, considering Kento’s character. He was someone to easily get insecure. I was different, though, and I knew that I could not apply the same criteria to myself. 

“You still haven’t made any progress?” Kento asked quietly, and I made a face, suddenly feeling guilty for even bringing it up.

“Give me a little more time” I pleaded. “I’m trying my best!”

“Yeah, sure” Kento said quickly, and just like that, he changed the subject. I wondered if I felt relieved or disappointed, but opted for relieved, for now.

***

“Earth to Kikuchi Fuma-Sama” I frowned when I heard Sou’s voice as if from far away, blinking, but only averting my eyes from Kento posing for the camera when Shori snapped his fingers in front of my face. 

“What?!” I glared at them, slightly annoyed, and Sou laughed while Shori shook his head with an expression between awe and amusement.

“Sou has been trying to talk to you for almost 2 minutes” he informed me. “But you were obviously too busy ogling Kento-Kun. Not that this is anything new.”

I could feel my face heat up in response, kicking Shori’s chair in reproach, and he quickly got up and fled out of my reach. I only kept from getting up to follow him when Sou took his place, smiling brightly and looking so honestly _pleased_ that it took me a little off guard. 

“You and Kento-Kun seem really happy, lately” he noted. “Mari has been saying the same thing. We are glad that you finally worked things out.”

I bit my lip, not quite sure what to answer. With the way Sou was smiling at me, it was hard to deny it, and I could barely tell him the truth, that this was no _real_ relationship, not yet, not until I had figured myself out. Kento and I often joked that we had suddenly become parents with our debut more than 3 years ago, but this really felt like it, like I could not burden my son with relationship problems Mum and Dad were heaving. I did not want them to worry about us, when they had enough to worry about themselves. 

Better let him think what he wants to, I decided. So my only response was a weak: “Mind your own business!”, which only made Sou smile wider.

***

“The kids know that something is going on between us” I confessed to Kento later that night, when we were hovering over our dinner. “Sou said something earlier.”

“Yeah, Marius made some comments in front of me a couple of times” Kento nodded, seeming neither surprised nor bothered. “I ignored him, but they _know_. They aren’t stupid.”

I only hummed, picking up some more Ramen, but found myself distracted by a familiar figure approaching our table with an expression of happiness that resembled winning a jackpot. For a moment, I had to ponder how I knew the girl, but then I remembered Juri’s group date and her sharp questions, and my heart sank a little. 

“Kikuchi-Kun, Nakajima-Kun!” she called when she had finally reached the table, catching Kento’s attention, too. “It’s been a while!” 

“Suzuki-San” Kento smiled politely, and I wondered how he could still remember her name even though he had only met her once at work, while I had met her in private and had completely forgotten. “What a coincidence!”

“Right?! I am so lucky to run into you” she pointed out sweetly, her tone flirtatious. “I was so disappointed when Kikuchi-Kun told me that you couldn’t make it to the group date a couple of weeks ago! I would have loved to see you again!”

“I’m sorry, I was busy that night” Kento said politely, glancing at me sidewards as I wordlessly took a sip of my drink, my throat suddenly tight and dry.

“Well, you can make it up to me by giving me your number?” she suggested, and I almost choked on the water, coughing and making Kento look at me. “I’d really like to get to know you better.”

I could see Kento hesitating, his eyes on me. He looked uncomfortable when he turned to face her again.

“I… don’t usually give my number out to people I don’t know very well” he said apologetically. “Sorry, I made bad experiences a while ago…”

“Oh, I understand” she nodded, biting her lip thoughtfully. “How about I give you my LINE username then, and when you feel like it, you can message me?”

I could see Kento gulp, and to my utter horror, he gave in with a tiny smile. 

“Sure, why not?” 

My fingers clung to the glass in my hand so tightly that it was a miracle it did not break, watching as the girl scribbled down her contact data on a page of her pocket calendar before tearing it out and handing it to Kento.

“I will be waiting!” she said happily, waving. “Bye, you two!” 

She missed the way I glared after her, eyes focused on Kento only, and when she was finally out of sight, I turned to face Kento pointedly. 

Kento carefully slipped the folded paper into a pocket of his jeans, and when he looked up at me again, he frowned at the expression on my face.

“What are you glaring at?” he asked.

“You’re taking it home?!” I demanded incredulous, nodding to where he had just slipped the paper into his jacket.

“Am I supposed to leave it here for people to find?!” Kento scoffed.

“Are you planning on calling her?!”

“What?!” Kento blinked in confusion, his voice sharp. “No! I was going to throw it away safely!” When I only grumbled, moodily picking on my food, Kento added: “Why are you mad now?!”

“You could have told her that you were seeing someone!” I snapped, finally recognizing that irrational anger for what it was: Jealousy. “Why did you not just reject her?! Did you want to keep all your options open?!”

Kento raised his eyebrows until they disappeared under his bangs, jaw set. 

“I am sorry, but you are the one insisting that you are _not_ in love with me” he brought out finally, and I recoiled a little at the tone of his voice, but Kento wasn’t done yet. “I thought telling her that I was in a relationship when you were sitting right across from me would be inappropriate!”

“You told me you loved me” I returned in a small voice. “You shouldn’t be flirting with girls when I’m around! You shouldn’t be flirting with _anyone_ but me!”

I had always imagined that Kento would be happy to be tied down, but apparently, this was not the case, at least not under these circumstances. His eyes had narrowed down to a glare as well, and the last time I had seen him look at me like this was when he had told me that he hated me. The memory did weird things to my stomach. 

“You know what?!” he hissed, getting up and grabbing his bag and jacket. “You have _no right_ to become all possessive on me, not until you figure out what you want, because if any of us are trying to keep their options open at the moment, it’s surely not me!”

“That’s not what I’m doing and you know it!” I protested vehemently. “Where are you going?!”

“Home” he snarled, throwing a thousand yen bill onto the table before turning and leaving. 

I stared after him in rapidly dying danger, being replaced by something else, something that burned like guilt and fear. 

I pushed my bowl of Ramen away from me, not the least bit hungry anymore. 

***

I wandered the neighborhood aimlessly after dinner, trying to clear my head, but my thoughts only seemed to become more twisted and suffocating. 

I kind of wished I was still in kindergarten. Back then, things had not been so complicated - you had just chosen the person you liked most and told your parents that you would marry them, disregarding gender and surroundings and complicated concepts like romantic love and sexuality. 

If Kento and I were still kids, I would have told my mother that I would marry him, and she would have laughed and nodded. I would have given Kento a ring that had come out of the vending machine together with some sweets, and everything would have been settled. 

I wished I could still do that now, but Kento’s fingers were definitely too thick for vending machine rings. 

I sighed, turning around a corner between some apartment buildings and finding myself in front of a playground. It was almost ironic, I thought as I let myself fall onto the empty swing, staring off into space. 

Of course, I knew that Kento had been right. My reaction had been stupid and irrational, and he had had all right to leave me there in that restaurant with all my nasty thoughts. I was not even sure what had happened to me in the moment that girl had turned up.

Only maybe, I did. She had opened up a new possibility to me, one that Kento could find someone else before I had made up my mind, and the thought _hurt,_ like a thousand little nails piercing into my heart. I felt like, now that I knew what it was like to be with Kento, losing him would be even more unbearable. 

Maybe that was my answer, I mused. I was not good with romance, but I was simply tired of fighting with myself. I felt like I was on this constant overload of confusions and insecurities, and only when I was in Kento’s arms, all of it settled down and I started to feel like myself again. 

And if that wasn’t love, I was not sure what it was. 

I had kept telling myself that I was afraid of hurting Kento by making a decision I would regret later, but maybe, I figured, that had just been an excuse. Maybe I had just been afraid to step out of my comfort zone and jump into something I had no control over. Maybe.

I pushed against the sand with my feet until the swing moved upwards before lifting my feet up and letting myself rock back and forth, the movement somehow calming. 

***

I found myself in front of Kento’s house an hour later, my feet having carried me the way almost subconsciously. It was dark by now, and I looked up to see the lights through the window of Kento’s room. 

I hesitated for a moment before nodding firmly and walking up to ring the doorbell. At first, I received no answer, and I was about to ring a second time when finally, Kento opened the door. 

He looked tired, but not surprised to see me, just staring at me wordlessly, waiting for an explanation as to why I was here.

I cleared my throat, but still my voice did not quite seem to be cooperating with me when I spoke.  
“Please let me in, I want to talk.”

I caught his soft sigh, but he stepped aside to let me in, and I was relieved by that. 

His parents were out, I noted, seeing how dark and quiet the house was, and Kento watched me wordlessly as I kicked off my shoes before walking ahead, leading the way to his room. 

I closed the door behind us, watching Kento sit down on his bed, looking up at me expectantly. My throat felt dry and my hands shaky, but I just balled them into fists, trying to find the right thing to say. 

“Are you here to tell me it’s not working?” Kento breathed, sounding miserable, and it heard to hear that tone in his voice again. “If yes, do it fast. Don’t beat around the bush.”

I shook my head, but Kento’s expression did not change. It finally made me approach him, made me cross the distance between us to kneel down in front of him, placing my hands on his knees tentatively.

“I’m sorry” I whispered, catching his eyes. “For keeping you in the dark for so long, and for being so difficult. I know it was hard for you to deal with my selfish antics. But I am not going to be willful anymore.”

Kento seemed confused at my words, and I caught his hand in both of mine, drawing a thumb over his knuckles. 

“I want you to be mine” I said simply. “In every way possible. I was unsure if what I felt was really as deep as you wanted it to be, but I know that losing you would be the worst thing that could happen to me. That I want to fall asleep with you and wake up with you and hold you and kiss you and look at your smile whenever I feel miserable. I have never felt this before, and I was afraid. But I’m not afraid anymore.”

And it was true; looking at Kento, seeing the tears hang on his eyelids, all my doubts seemed far, far away. I just squeezed his hand in an attempt to express those feelings, and Kento took a shaky breath, biting his lip. 

“Are you sure you’re not going to change your mind again?” he asked shakily, and a tear escaped, rolling down his cheek.

“Very sure” I whispered, giving into the urge to lean up to kiss the tear away. It tasted salty on my lips and Kento’s skin was warm and soft, making me linger.

It was a relief when Kento turned his head to brush his lips against mine. The angle was uncomfortable, with me half-raised and balancing on the balls of my feet, but I just strained my neck to keep the kiss going, addicted to the light brushes of lips against lips.

I barely noticed when I shifted to be able to hold myself upright more easily, but it backfired and with a yelp, I had landed on my butt on Kento’s floor. 

Kento blinked at me for a moment before bursting out into laughter. I was going to glare at him, but ended up chuckling myself at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“Ow” I noted weakly, and Kento smiled as he held out a hand.

I took it, letting him pull me up and onto the bed next to him.

I reached out automatically, tucking his hair behind his ear and cupping his cheek, and Kento leaned into the touch. I felt so warm and complete at the contact that it was almost surreal. 

We stayed like this for a while, just looking into each other’s eyes, and it felt ridiculously intimate for a touch so innocent. It was Kento who leaned in, catching my lips in another soft kiss, and I allowed my fingers to sift through his hair while my other arm hooked around his waist. 

Kissing Kento had been my favorite thing for a while now, but even that felt different now, with all doubts wiped from both our minds. I caught his lower lips between mine, nibbling on it and licking over it, and Kento opened his mouth, letting me explore further. Our tongues rubbing against each other was nothing new anymore, not by far, but it could have as well been, with the feelings it ignited inside of me. 

When we broke away for air, I felt Kento’s breath on my lips in little puffs, and it made my skin tingle. 

“If you want to throw me out for tonight, this is the moment” I informed him breathlessly. 

“I have no reason to anymore” Kento whispered. “You wanted me to be yours. So take me.”

I took in a sharp breath, and Kento drew back to scan my face, as if afraid that I would flee again, but I did not let him go anywhere, my hand in his hair pulling him into another, more demanding kiss. 

Kento met me breath for breath, kissing me back so passionately that it made my head spin. My fingers reached for the hem of his shirt all by themselves, but Kento did not fight me, just pulling back to raise his arms over his head, letting my undress him. 

Kento’s naked skin felt like velvet under my fingers, addictive to run my palms over, and the little noises that Kento made into my mouth were as soothing as gasoline added to fire. 

Kento was by no means passive, though, soon reaching out to undress me as well, and I was glad about any excuse to shed as many closes as possible, getting myself out of my shirt and my jeans in record time, relieved when Kento moved to shrug off his own pants. 

When we came together again, it was only our underwear separating us from complete nakedness, and Kento pulled me further onto the bed, letting me settle on top of him. It felt like a small relief to feel his bare skin against mine, and to feel his heart beat where my chest was pressed against his. 

I leaned in to brush soft kisses against the skin of his throat, feeling him shiver and arch his neck to give me better access. I soon grew addicted to all these little reactions, so I kept mouthing every bit of skin I could reach, tasting him, and when I had reached his belly button, circling it with the tip of my tongue, Kento was positively quivering. 

I did not stop there, though. I realized that it should be awkward - it was my first time touching a man this intimately, after all - but as I licked a stripe just above the waistband of his underwear, I felt no trace of nervousness, just plain need. 

When I hooked my fingers into it, Kento raised his hips helpfully, allowing me to pull the fabric down his long legs until I could discard it onto the floor like the rest of our clothes. I ran my palm back up the inside of his thighs, and after short hesitation, closed my fingers around his erection. 

Kento moaned beautifully, fisting the sheets underneath him, and I stroked him tentatively, drawing a thumb over the soft head and squeezing his hard shaft, noting how Kento gasped for air.

I leaned in to kiss him again, stealing all those little noises from him lips, and only pulling away when Kento’s shaky hand closed around my wrist. 

“I want to feel you” Kento murmured, voice rough in lust as he caught my eyes, and I couldn’t have been faster to nod in agreement. 

Kento then stretched to reach for his bedside table, not quite able to reach it from his position, so I turned to draw open the cupboard. I quickly saw what he had been aiming for, spotting a small, half empty bottle of lube and an unopened box of condoms right in the corner and taking them.

“You haven’t done this before… have you?” I asked quietly, regarding the bottle of lube, and much to my relief, Kento shook his head. 

“I used it… privately” he said quietly, flushing, and I quickly leaned in to kiss away his embarrassment.

The lube was cold when I poured some into my palm, and I took my time spreading it over my fingers, hoping to would warm, before I steered my slick hands between Kento’s legs. He pulled his knees and planted the soles of his feet onto the mattress, closed his eyes and waited. 

I touched the tips of my fingers to the rim tentatively, teasing it, and Kento gasped, reaching for my free hand and entwining our fingers. 

I expected this part to be difficult and tedious, but instead, it went by surprisingly uncomplicated. Maybe because Kento had done it to himself before, I figured as I twisted two fingers inside of him, watching him jerk and moan. 

“Fuma” Kento whispered, squeezing my hand as if in a plead, and I scissored my fingers once more, making sure he was properly prepared, before pulling my fingers. 

The nervousness had definitely caught up with me now, and my hands were shaking as I clumsily tried to get rid of my own underwear. When I had struggled my way to complete nakedness as well, I reached for the box of condoms, only to realize that it was opened, a torn wrapping lying next to it. I met Kento’s eyes, noting the unwrapped condom between his fingers and his shy smile.

“Can I?” he asked, and I had to suppress a shudder as I skimmed closer to him. 

Kento sat up and strangely enough I felt a little on display like this, but when Kento’s fingers closed around me, stroking me once up and down and brushing his fingertips over my balls, I let out a stuttering breath at the feeling, closing my eyes. 

Kento took his time, gently sliding the condom down my shaft before lubing it generously, and when he finally pulled away, I was trembling under his fingers. 

“Ready when you are” Kento whispered, and I took a deep breath and opened my eyes to regard him for a moment.

Kento had lain back against the mattress and his face was slightly flushed, screaming of nerves and eagerness in same parts, his skin glistening slightly with sweat and his hair messy and fanned out across the pillow, and for a moment, I could do nothing but stare at him, completely entranced. I only tore myself out of it when Kento reached for my hand, and I followed his lead to sit between his spread legs, my hands finding his hips, catching his eyes.

We needed to squirm and fumble a little but finally, the tip of my erection was pressing against his entrance and my lips were brushing against his and Kento was whispering under his breath, and though I couldn’t quite catch it, I understood the invitation. 

I pressed inside slowly, so carefully that my legs were straining from it, but it was completely worth it if it made things painfree for Kento, which it seemed to. 

Finally, I bottomed out, fisting the sheets in order to cling to my very thin control. Kento felt amazing around me, tight, hot and perfect, and I could feel his muscles clench around me every so often and it made both of us gasp. 

“Oh god” Kento moaned against my lips, and I smiled as I kissed him again, lightly and tenderly.

“Is it okay?” I asked, fumbling until I found his hand, entwining our fingers once more, and Kento nodded. 

“Move” he urged, and I brushed my lips against his again as I obliged. 

Both of us gasped when I pulled out slowly, only to thrust back into him, clinging to each other’s hand for dear life. The friction felt heavenly, but more than that, I could not remember having ever felt this connected to anyone, both on physical and emotional level. 

We needed a few tries, but after a while, we found a rhythm that worked for both of us, and I was really thankful that Kento’s parents were out because none of us seemed to be able to suppress our moans. 

One of Kento’s hands was still clinging to mine and the other was buried in my hair, holding me close enough to keep our sloppy, wet kisses going, but then, I seemed to hit something inside of him, something that made him break the kiss to throw back his head and gasp for air.

I tried aiming for it again, mesmerized by the high pitch of Kento’s moan.

At this angle, Kento tightened around me with every thrust, every time I hit him just right, and I was so close that I could barely think straight. 

It was an almost unconscious action when I brought my free hand between our bodies, wrapping it around his shaft, but I could barely stroke once from the base to the tip before a shiver raked through his body and his erection was pulsing in my hands. 

I tried to hold on just long enough until his last moan had died on my tongue, letting go of his erection and swiping my now sticky hand over his chest in a soothing caress before picking up speed again. 

When my orgasm finally got hold of me, it was so intense that I could not even moan, white pleasure consuming me and making me almost blank out. When I opened my eyes again, I was resting in Kento’s arms, and tender fingers were stroking through my damp hair. 

“Wow” was all I was able to bring out, and I could feel the vibrations of Kento’s chuckles in his chest. 

“Wow indeed” Kento agreed, squeezing his arm around my shoulder, and I felt so content and happy that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or to cry. Maybe both in equal measures. 

“I love you” I whispered, because it was true and I could feel it so strongly that ignoring it would be hypocrisy. “I love you, Kento.”

Kento let out a shaky breath, and his throat was a little tight when he answered: “I love you, too.”

I did not look up to check if there were tears in his eyes again, just embraced him tightly as possible to physically envelope him with my love. 

***

“So, you got him laid?!” Shintaro prodded, and I hit him on the back of his head. “Congrats, man!”

“It was not about the sex, you moron!” I rolled my eyes. “But who am I talking to, it’s not like you’d understand.”

“Important is that you and Kento are together now. Properly” Hokuto smiled, seeming totally satisfied. 

“Does that mean the interesting conversations will end now, too?” Juri enquired, seeming slightly bummed by that.

“I am sure Fuma will still have a lot to tell us about his relationship with Kento” Hokuto said indulgently, making Juri nod in approval. 

“We are no prime time entertainment, you know” I said mildly, distracted when I saw Kento pass by with Shori at the end of the hallway. “Now, if you’d please excuse me.”

I ignored Juri’s cat calls, smiling as I tackled Kento from the back, making Kento burst into laughter and Shori roll his eyes with a smile. 

“You _could_ try to be less obvious” Shori noted, and I shrugged off-handedly.

“Don’t wanna” I said simply, catching Kento’s eyes for a moment, my heartbeat picking up at the happy smile gracing on his lips. 

And by the way Kento swiftly linked his pinky with mine, I could tell that really, he did not want to, either. 


End file.
